[PRP] Sleepless Nights [Nose-in-the-air/Dream Dust]

[Ruriska]

[imgleft]https://matope.pixel-blueberry.com/imag ... r_ruri.gif[/imgleft]

He couldn’t sleep.

Nose-in-the-air stirred in the night, wide awake despite the late hour. Beside him Posy was sound asleep, breathing steadily. He listened to her for a while, the long inhales and exhales of breath, hoping it would lull him to rest.

It didn’t work and after a while he eased himself away from his daughter, very carefully standing and moving in a tiptoe to make sure she wasn’t disturbed. He sought the stars, leaving the cover of the mangroves until a patch of sky was revealed.

Around him the frogs and insects sang in the dark as he stared upwards. Those faraway lights twinkled and it made him both hopeful and sad to think that Last Night might be looking up at the very same stars. Wherever the MotherFather had taken her, he hoped she was well.

[MikaMoo]

[imgleft]http://matope.pixel-blueberry.com/image ... uncert.png[/imgleft]Dream Dust often woke in the middle of the night to the quiet of the world, what felt like the soft, collective inhales and exhales of the world as the insects sang and the stars twinkled, breezes occasionally blowing through the leaves above and creating a shudder of energy.  Tonight was no different.  She quietly moved away from her siblings and began her nightly walk, slipping between trees and grasses, blinking back at fairies as they led her through the heavy night air.

It was somewhat rare that she found another kin wandering in the dark when she left on these journeys, and always a question whether she should approach these fellows when she did, or leave them to their quiet reveries.  On this night, the question seemed easier to answer.  Barely emerged from the many nearby mangroves to watch the sky, a buck seemed lost in... something...  It wasn't a dream, it wasn't a question, it was... a memory?  There was something hazy about his look, something that felt... like yearning.

Dream Dust slowed her steps as she got closer, and took a wide angle as she approached, hoping he might see her so that she could avoid startling him.  Still several feet strides away, enough to be sure she wouldn't encroach on his personal space, she stopped completely and bowed her head slightly to watch him.  Her voice was soft when she spoke to him, just enough to be carried over the frogs and insects singing nearby: "Hello, fellow nightwalker."

[Ruriska]

Nose was caught up in memories of other nights, when he had lain side by side with a wise doe, touching gently, watching the stars in silence or telling stories in soft whispers. She had helped heal a part of him that had been long broken and her leaving had torn something else instead.

Though he had found another place of belonging with Posy, there was still something missing. His loneliness was still a hungry force gnawing at his belly, especially on nights like this.

He didn’t see or sense the doe, despite the effort she took, and her voice startled him, his nostrils flaring and ears flicking back. Nose-in-the-air did a nervous sidestep, sharp gaze focusing on the doe, body poised to race back to Posy. He instinctively searched for threats, on her and past her. You never knew. There could always be someone lurking in the dark.

Eventually he calmed, breathing a heavy sigh out through his nose.

“Who are you?” He questioned, his tone sharp and wary. “You shouldn’t startle someone like that.” Never mind that he was the one that had been caught unaware.

[MikaMoo]

The doe was, in turn, a bit startled, ears flicking as she shrunk slightly back, then sat down to try and appear even less of a threat.  She made no movements as he checked around and behind her for any accompanying surprises, waiting patiently for him to calm.  A soft smile crept over her features when he finally settled and addressed her.

"I am Dream Dust.  I apologize, I did not mean to startle you.  You just seemed... lonely.  I was taking a walk and thought you might like some company."  Her head tilted curiously as she considered him, "Though, if you would rather be alone, I can resume my walk; I do not mean to intrude."  Her voice was gentle against the night air, soft and almost melodic against the possibility of upsetting him further or waking any kin resting nearby.

[Ruriska]

When her reaction to his ire was to immediately try to make him more comfortable in her presence, Nose frowned guiltily. He hadn’t needed to sound so harsh but he’d snapped at her anyway, as always controlled by his emotions rather than in control.

A part of him wanted to lean into his ire and take his loneliness out on somebody he would never see again but he held his tongue for just a moment, long enough to look at her sitting in the dark, her face soft and friendly, her voice gentle.

“If you’d like to,” he grumbled, looking away. “Sit and stay, that is.” Nose also sat, an unspoken peace offering.

At least some company would help put his mind elsewhere.

“My name is Nose-in-the-air.”

He sniffed.

“Did I... really seem lonely?”

[MikaMoo]

Despite the grumbling, which might have put others off, she did choose to stay.  Her smile remained, and she nodded her appreciation, "Thank you."  His sitting some distance off was a good sign, but she did not move closer to him; just because he had approved her presence didn't mean she should impose further on his personal space.

Her gaze turned skyward, not wanting to keep him agitated by putting him on the spot if she kept watching him.  Perhaps if they were both stargazing, it wouldn't be quite so... strange, to be sitting with a stranger.  She noted his name, but did not repeat it, keeping her gaze aloft even at the question that followed.

"Yes."  It was an easy answer to supply, but she at least didn't leave it quite so bluntly, "But that is not uncommon for those who wander the nightscape.  Many of us are lonely."  She took a breath of night air, squinting slightly before she continued, "Perhaps the stars are meant to make us less so -- to give a soft background on which to imagine their faces, to give us points of light to look forward to...  Sometimes they do not seem quite so far away."

[Ruriska]

With the doe sitting nearby, her face turned to the sky, he too looked upwards. He listened to her soft words with his ears tipped back as the night settled around them once more. Like this, his earlier irritation was dampened by a sense of familiarity. He’d been here before, on a different night, with a different doe, talking about the stars and loneliness.

It felt right to share his own thoughts, his voice filled with painful longing.

“Sometimes it helps me to think of everyone else looking at the same stars. Other kin sitting alone in the dark. We can’t reach them or each other but we are still connected.”

[MikaMoo]

His response drew her gaze away from the stars as she considered what he said, a smile slowly growing, "That is a nice thought."  She watched the trees around them for a moment before looking back up at the sky.

"I know they are out there, watching the sky.  I have met many of them, or simply seen them from afar."  She hesitated, glanced briefly at her new acquaintance before her gaze flicked back up to the stars.

"Perhaps the kin you are missing is also out there watching the same stars flicker above..."

[Ruriska]

It was as if she had read his thoughts, or perhaps his feelings were just that obvious. Nose had always been expressive. His anger, his pain, his fear. There was no hiding anything.

“Yeah,” he said, wistful and sad. “Maybe.”

His eyes felt wet but he blinked it away. Just that cool night air making him look weepy again. Certainly not tears - ha ha!

“Are you lonely too?” He asked the doe, face turned away from her in an effort to hide the struggle with his emotions.

[MikaMoo]

It was difficult to not take note when someone was pushed to express their melancholy with actual tears.  Dream Dust empathized, wondering if she should have voiced that particular thought.  It was meant to be a comfort, but perhaps it was... not, in this case.  Either way, she tried to let him have a moment without drawing attention to it, keeping her nose skyward until he asked whether or not she was also sad.

It took her a moment to consider the question.  Her thoughtful pause included a deep breath, a shuffling of her front feet, and a swish of her tail.  "Perhaps I am."  It was almost surprising to realize that she had never considered the question, in all of her mid-night wanderings, that no one else had ever asked her that question.

"I spend most of my time with my family.  They are wonderful, and I am content.  But there is... hm."  She paused, struggling to convey what she suddenly recognized, "There is a wanting.  There is a small part of me that... lacks companionship of different sorts."

[Ruriska]

Nose-in-the-air understood. He’d come from a close-knit family and had relied heavily on his siblings for support during his younger years. But time had passed and they had drifted away into new lives. So he had sought to ease his loneliness in other ways.

Most days he wished he had never done so. If he’d never met First Strike, he would never have felt the regret of creating a monster.

But Last Night had always told him that lingering on past regrets was pointless. His son, as cursed as he was, was still part of the Swamp. There was a reason he had been born the way he was. Nose didn’t like it but he couldn’t continue to blame himself for it being so.

Realizing he had been sitting in silence, lost in thought for some time, Nose cleared his throat.

“There is something,” he began, choosing his words slowly and carefully, “that family cannot give. A different sort of belonging, of feeling being wanted.”

The doe was younger than he was, with a lot of less experience. There was so much the world still had to show her.

[MikaMoo]

Her new acquaintance was quiet for a longer moment than she anticipated.  She thought, briefly, that perhaps that was all there was to say about it.  Eventually, the silence was broken, and it turned out that he did have something more to say.  A small smile crept over Dream's features, and she nodded, finally looking down from the stars and losing herself in the fireflies around them instead.

"Yes.  With family, you belong inherently.  Whether you feel it, whether they act it, there is a connection.  It is not the same as..." she hesitated, took a deep breath, and settled on her phrasing, "it is not the same as being chosen.  There is a different sense of belonging, of connection and care, when someone chooses to spend time with you, to enjoy more of your company."

She huffed, somewhat a chuckle, "Not that I know, exactly -- well, not to the full extent.  I have some friends.  But I do anticipate a different connection, at some point, that widens my scope even more to the corners of what I can imagine."

[Ruriska]

Nose liked how thoughtful she was. She took her time with words, selecting them carefully before letting them free.

“There is a lot of comfort to be found with someone who chooses to walk beside you and share in something deeper than what you have known before,” he told her, and then his mouth twisted down with bitterness. “But beware - the loss of it cuts deep and when searching for such a connection it is easy to find yourself in unsavoury company.”

He sighed, hunching in on himself.

“Loneliness can blind us to others' faults. Be mindful when following your heart.”

He felt old then, beside the younger doe that had yet to find love. Old and full of sadness.

[MikaMoo]

Dream Dust thought about that for a few moments.  The cicadas filled the empty space, it was not silent, but she was sure that Nose-in-the-Air could feel the space between words growing as much as she could.  But she didn't want to dismiss his warnings, either by accepting them easily, or by casting them aside.

"Do..." Dream Dust turned towards him, head somewhat low and voice quiet, shy, as she asked, "do you have suggestions of how best to avoid such harm?"  Her feet shifted and she shook hear head lightly, "It almost seems inevitable, as if there is little choice in who we meet or where or how we connect...  How do you discern who is unsavory if you become blind?"

[Ruriska]

Even with his melancholy, Nose found comfort in the quiet that unfolded between them, filled only by the expectancy of further words and the normal murmurs of the night.

When her question came, it held him hostage for a long time, tongue caught, his voice trapped in his throat as he sought for the right words. He wanted to give her advice that would aid her but there was only so much he could say.

He had spoken out of a bitterness and there were many other kin who found the love they sought without sacrifice.

“Some things are unavoidable. Some suffering we endure because that was the path the MotherFather chose for us to tread,” he said finally and with a sigh of resignation. “I was not brave. I was weak. I still am. If you become blind, trust your other senses and if they are not enough, have hope that the one you have given your heart to will treat it kindly.”

Nose laughed then, just a little chuckle. To think he would be the one sitting in the night giving advice, instead of receiving it.

“Find someone nice,” he said. “You will know when their presence is a comfort. When just being beside them makes all the problems of the world melt away because you know you have someone to face it with you.”