She had dreamt she was a child again. Young and without worry, without thought. And it had been a bitter waking to find that it was so much the opposite of who she was now. Even as she felt so much of her guilt and pain was becoming untangled, or so she liked to pretend, there was still so much that felt unsolvable. Today, however, she wanted nothing to do with it. She wanted that peace and joy from her dream and she would set out to find it.

When had she last played like a child? When had she last enjoyed life? She found it impossible to remember past others who had brought such feelings to her. It was never herself that was the cause of play, of joy, of contentment. It was always others and she felt the burden of life settle against her spine. Was she that impossible that she brought everything, everyone, down around her? No, that could not be true. Extravagance and Opulence never would have allowed her their company if such was true but it did not negate that they were more jolly and full of life. But they did not have the burden of motherhood now that the sacs were laid.

Could she even be a mother, she could not help wondering? What was it to play? And though she refuted the claims of wolf, she could not help tilting her head back and parting her lips to howl, mournful and beseeching. Perhaps someone would hear her and come to teach her what it was to have fun once more.

Fiend was annoyed. Goosebumps the spectral owlcat had hidden his favorite stick of the day. Goosebumps was as much friend as it was enemy, but usually they were the annoying tagalong sibling who gave as good as they got. You'd think with his heightened sense of smell, the Stag would be able to find his stick. Such was not the case. It was hidden somewhere here but with the recent downpour earlier in the day, it was hard to gauge where and everything smelled of sticky mud and swamp. And it was humid. Clearly today was one for griping.

Fiend huffed. Sitting back on his haunches, a hindleg scratched his fluffy air as he surveyed the area. A lonely howl broke his reverie and he responded in kind.

Ashborn hadn't expected a reply but then expectations had rarely ever gone in her favor, so to speak. It seemed for all that she had expected, it went sideways and she ended up quite at odds unlike the others around her. She'd come to terms with it in the last few years as the rage had begun to simmer and become replaced with homesickness and loneliness. Emotions were often turbulent and hers were no different but they were perhaps more frequent and much more passionate than the few kin she knew.

She tilted her head back, ears flattening against her skull and let the howl loose from her furry maw. It sang of want and need as it crested into a crescendo and then faded out amongst the other swamp music. She wanted desperately to be a good mother and, in many ways, she had had the best. It was in the ways that Keepsake had—her mother had always been half gone after Heritage had left and she was desperate not to force her children to relieve a parent they could only ever have half of in their lives. And she knew now—well, she knew more than she cared to admit but that was for another day. Today, she only wanted to remember the good times of life. She wanted to remember childhood and play. Her children would need that and, unfortunately, the more she tried to attain it herself the more she felt failure creep along her joints and seize her into embarrassment.

Fiend was not expecting an equally pitiful howl. He thought that it would a little less dreary in response. That kin probably needed some fun in their life or a hunt. Hunts always cheered up Fiend. And this form was quite spry for that type of entertainment. The stag in its muskwolf form set off to find the originator of that sad howl.

A few bushes away, meadows aside, and landscapes rushed by before the Stag found what he wanted. It was a kimeti doe. He stopped short, wagged his tail, and gently approached the kimeti, his head tilted to the side.

@anemsagkelos

The doe blinked, then laughed, "Hello, there. I wasn't expecting someone to answer my call and so readily at that." She let out a breath, not quite a sigh, "I've laid my first clutch and now all the doubts creep in. I had so many siblings when I was growing up that I never learned to be alone and now that I am, I don't know how to play or have fun like I used to. I'm afraid I'll be the worst mother," she admitted at length to the muskwolf.

"And you didn't ask for any of this," she laughed at herself. "I just want a family. My siblings chose my father over me and now I have no one to call my own. I hoped children would fix that but even their father is not mine. And, well . . . ," Ashborn shook her head, voice trailing off into a world of futures that may or may not come to pass. It was all sadness for her but she would not let it be sadness for them. "My children will be happy; I have to make sure of that."

He could have shifted to a more talkative form, but sometimes silence was necessary and companionship better. Sadness cloaked the other kin, and if he couldn't offer her permanent solutions or even temporary one, he could give her comfort. In this form, he was fluffy, warm, and cozy. He leaned against the other kimeti in solidarity. After their shadows lengthened, he licked her face, gave her a nose bop, and settled down for a light snooze. This form was handy for many things and he was going to show her!

In the distance, a pitiful yowl from Goosebumps, broke the reverie. He yipped and barked before settling down against the doe. Soon the other spectral owlcat joined them and they were all one sleeping pile of soft and furry limbs. Who knew what tomorrow would bring, but for now they had each other and loneliness could be kept at bay temporarily. It wasn't like they or the kimeti would be alone forever. He didn't have to draw on the secrets of the swamp to know that.

They woke up later after a few more naps. Stetching his body out, bones and joints popped in disuse. He looked back at the kimeti, his spectral owlcat already getting up. It was getting long in the day and sleep was better had in more enclosed areas away from the wind. With a last nudge to the other kimeti, he bundled off in the opposite direction he came. His stomach growled and Goosebumps whined again. A slight detour was needed. He howled and jumped away looking for small game with the owlcat fast on his heels.

@anemosagkelos