[S] Trueself (Lamentable Rest)

[Astraea]

Lamentable Rest could not rest, something not lost on her. The irony of it needled her repeatedly.

It wasn't only thing that pained her on a daily, hourly, every moment to moment basis.

She wasn't right.

It wasn't one thing, it wasn't everything, but it was most things.

Not that she would be one to question the Motherfather, but she had to wonder; what was with these shapes on her? These colors? They weren't right. The more she though about it, the more she wondered if there was more that wasn't right. Or was she over thinking it? She and her name weren't in sync and it bothered her on the deepest level. But she wandered and lived, trying to ignore these feelings and would have probably done that till her end if not for some whispers that reached her ears.

A way to change.

She would have to seek it out, that she was alright with. The directions were nebulous at best. "If you're truly wanting, it will call to you."

So she closed her eyes and thought hard. She thought about changing. All the ideas of who she ought to be drifted in and out of her mind.

During her musing, a place came into her mind's eye. A darker, deader part of the swamp. A place that Spring had not yet touched, the last holdout of winter. She wasn't sure where that was, but she was confident in her finding it.

Under a very tall, damp, dark, and still dormant tree she found something. A crystal. It stuck out in the nearly black, wet earth with it's soft color.

The crystal glowed with a pale, but welcoming light. Rest put her hoof on it and gasped as she fell forward and through the crystal. Opening her eyes, one then the other, she found herself floating, almost like in water but she could breath. Around her are reflections of kin she didnt know. They shimmered in and out of sight, each different yet slightly the same. Just as she had done with the crystal, she reached forward towards a reflection, who also reached for her in return. Like with the crystal, her hoof began to pass through, but she yanked it back just as it dipped in. Her reflection did the same, the look of amazement shared between the two. Could that be her? The reflection she was looking at shimmered away, replaced by another that looked completely different. Was this her instead? Each "incarnation" floated to the top of the reflections before sinking back away.

Maybe one of these was the her she knew she could be, no, SHOULD be.

Rest closed her eyes and recalled her vision.

Darkness with a small shaft of light. The smells of dirt and flowers. Trapped tightly in the earth, she clawed towards the light, knocking clots of mud up and out. Widening the hole, brightening the light. She pushed her head up through the opening, taking in the air. Flower pedals clung to her body as she rose. She was cold, feeling like the wind was blowing right through her. She shivered and could feel the wet and chill to her bones. Darkness of the night cloaked her and she couldn't see her own nose on her face. She turned to see from where she'd come, and the hole was in the same place she'd found that crystal.

Lamentable Rest woke with a start.

(562)