[ b ] One More Look (Fierce Warrior & Merry Go Round)

[rexcorvus]

She was going to have children.

Again.

For a few moments, Merry Go Round debated whether or not her life choices were going to be any better if she had chosen to remain celibate, or perhaps if she had sequestered herself away from pretty does and fine looking bucks and all of the temptations the swamp had to offer. She wasn't so much concerned about the opinion of others, nor was she particularly ashamed of anything, but she did consider if she was getting too old to be acting a certain way anymore.

She pushed those thoughts aside as quickly as they had come. She enjoyed the company of others, and she enjoyed having family - a large family, where she could be surrounded in love and affection and the reminder that she meant something in the world. She liked the little mews of her children as they were born, the gentle nudges of their noses against her side, the sweet look in their eyes when they opened for the first time.

No, Merry thought, no she really was not so affected as to just disappear from life altogether. But it had been a long time since she had had any children, and she thought that maybe she should rest.

Instead, she decided to take a walk out in the evening, in search of some help.

[rexcorvus]

He had not talked to Dusk.

He should talk to Dusk. He should go and find him, to give himself a reminder of what he had been looking for all this time, to finally settle hte ache in his heart and the confusion in his head. He would go and he would find Dusk, and he would tell the buck of his feelings, and then all would be well. He was going to do it.

He was not going to do it.

Instead, Fierce found himself drawn towards the edge of a riverbank where it narrowed into a thin enough stream that one could jump over it. There was an acha there, the ends of her long braid falling into the slow moving water, pale white strand darkening as they got wetter. She seemed not to notice, absently humming to herself as she laid there, her legs tucked beneath her, head a little tilted.

Probably thinking, Fierce thought, as he came nearer. He felt the old fear, the same uncertainty he always felt even in this new body. If anything, it was more pronounced now that he had changed, though the uncertainties had shifted from one thing to another.

"Good evening," he said, and offered the doe a small smile, one that he hoped was not too forced looking. "How are you tonight?"

[rexcorvus]

Merry looked up. The stag was a marvelous thing, and the thin whip of his tail with its grand spikes reminded her of some of her own grandchildren, their hair matching hers but their tails matching another's. It was clear that he was either a relation or perhaps even the originator, though they had never met before.

She smiled. "I'm quite well, thank you. It's been a while since I've seen any of your kind - I do so rarely seek out the stags or mares these days, mostly because I'm uncertain of where to even look.

A small laugh escaped, and Merry grinned, her head tilting back to look more clearly at him.

"My name is Merry," she said, and eyed his long, wispy hair, the streaks of blue and indigo. "You look awfully familiar."

[rexcorvus]

"Fierce Warrior," he said, in answer to the unasked question of his own name. "I don't think we've met before, but I could be mistaken. I believe I've seen some of your children - or perhaps siblings? around before, seeing as your appearance seems quite familiar as well."

He studied the acha for a moment, his own head tilted in what was unintentionally a mirror of her own position. "Yes, I think we've had some lines cross somewhere," said Fierce eventually, a rueful note to his voice. "I do like to keep track of all of my children and grandchildren, but they've become quite numerous."

As if realizing how that sounded, Fierce winced a little, hooves shuffling in the grass. "At any rate," he said, clearing his throat, "you don't have to seek us out, not always. Sometimes we find you - or so I'm led to believe, at least. In my experience, there's been times where I've not even realized I've called for help and then suddenly there's someone there to help me."

Fierce's tail flicked through the grass. "If you'd like, I'd be happy to give you some reassurance of your newest clutch."

[rexcorvus]

She felt her amusement growing, Merry watching the stag as he shifted, almost restlessly. Some part of her was under the impression that he was rather new at this, and she wondered what it must be like to be more of what you were, more of what you were meant to be. She had never understood the appeal of change before, but now it pressed on her, made her all the more curious, her thoughts shifting and ebbing with all of the new possibilities.

"I think I would very much like the reassurance, yes," said Merry, and stood, her long legs shifting beneath her in a gangly attempt at balance. Sometimes she forgot how awkward it was to move at all, especially with carrying children.

"I'm ready whenever you are," she said.

[rexcorvus]

Fierce took a breath. He tried to remember not to overthink, to just let the emotions and the words and the feelings flow naturally through him. He had done this only once before, and while it had turned out well, he still couldn't quite escape the notion that he could be doing better.

As usual, and for the thousandth time, he conjured up an image in his mind - first of Dusk Wave, of his gentle smile and soft eyes - and then of the MotherFather and their kindness, their conviction that he was worthwhile and something (someone) to be remembered.

"Your children will be healthy," he told Merry. "They will grow without issues, and you need not fear that any harm will come to them while they are growing. They will have strong hearts and minds and be able to do great things. You as well will be able to have some peace knowing that your family will be all right."

Fierce paused, thinking, and then breathed out, almost a sigh. "All right," he said, feeling somewhat shaky, because the nerves never quite went away, "There you are. Do you still feel all right?"

[rexcorvus]

It was a sweet blessing, something gentle and the look in Fierce's eyes made Merry believe that she had been right; he was new at this, but not bad at it, merely inexperienced. It somehow made her feel even more secure in the blessing he had given her, because there had been no pretention to it, no arrogance or dismissal or condescension. She liked his uncertainty almost as much as she liked that he had been forthright with her about his many children, even if he hadn't explicitly said how many he had.

"Thank you, Fierce," said Merry, and she bowed her head towards the stag, a physical gesture of gratitude along with her words. When she raised her eyes again, they twinkled with amusement. "I quite like that one. I think you're right, they'll be little geniuses if I have anything to say about it."

She began to walk away, stopped, then turned back. Her grin turned playful. "We should arrange a playdate one day," said Merry, and then, as she turned to continue on her way, she called over her shoulder, "and you did quite a nice job, you know - remember that."

[rexcorvus]

Fierce felt his face warm. He watched the acha go, his heart pounding, his pulse a little too quick in his veins. Then he took a deep, steadying breath, letting his eyes close for a moment before opening them again.

He could do this.

He would do this. And he would get better at it the more he practiced, the more he blessed, the more he worked to defeat the terrible sense of inadequacy that was always so prevalent in his mind.

He would be fine.

Maybe.